Doggy Dictionary

Leash:  strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to guide your person where you want him/her to go. If met with resistance, a sharp tug may be necessary.

Dog Bed: any soft, clean surface, including, but not limited to: the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

Drool: what you do when your person have food and you don't to drooling is most effecting when sitting very close and looking sad. Let the drool fall on the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

Sniff; a social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose a s close as your can to the other dog's rear and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop

Garbage can: a container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must strain on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right, you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bodes to consume, and moldy crusts of bread.

Bicycles: two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. For maximum aerobic benefit, hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for s short distance. As the person swerves and falls, you prance away.

Deafness; this malady commonly affects dogs when their person interrupts important business. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, running in opposite direction, or lying down.

Thunder: this is a signal that world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary of the impending danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, and following on their heels.

Wastebasket: this is a dog toy filled with interesting items, often including edible morsels such as old candy wrappers. When you are bored, turn over the wastebasket and strew the papers over the house until your person comes home.

Sofas: are to dogs like towels are to people. After eating or when wet, rub against the sofa or roll on the cushions to effectively dry yourself.

Bath: this is process by which humans drench the floor, walls, and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

Lean: proper response to the command "sit!" especially if your is dressed for an evening out. This is most effective when hour human is wearing a color that contrasts nicely with your fur.

Bump: the best way to get your human's attention when they re drinking a cup of coffee or tee or when they're writing or reading the paper.

Goose bump: a maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require…especially effective when combined with The Sniff (see above).

Love: is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The beast way you can show your live is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.