Strict Rules for Stray Cats

1.        Stray cats will not be fed

2.        Stray cats will not be fed anything except dray cat food

3.        Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk

4.        Stray cats will not be fed anything except dray cat food moistened with warm milk, treats and leftover scraps

5.        Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence

6.        Stray cats will not be petted, played with, or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.

7.        Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name

8.        Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time

9.        Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times.

10.     Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending in "y."

11.     Stray cats will allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.

12.     Stray cats will allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the really good furniture.

13.     Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen their claws on the new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.

14.     Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.

15.     Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh 'n' Sweet kitty litter

16.     Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with a three-piece privacy screen and plenty of head room.

17.     Stray cats will sleep outside.

18.     Stray cats will sleep in the garage

19.     Stray cats will sleep in the house

20.     Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.

21.     Stray cats will sleep in the special kitty bed with non-allergenic faux lambs wool pillow.

22.     Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.

23.     Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.

24.     Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.

25.     Stray cats will not play on the desk.

26.     Stray cats will not play ljjjl"j"l;;kkl';; on the desk near the computer.