Bess

"Boo"

1987 - August 18, 2002

This page contains not only the story of my dear Bess, but I've also related her battles with cancer, in hopes that others may find the information helpful.

In closing, I included some information that helped me cope with my devastating loss when she returned to our Lord. I pray this information helps other to cope with their own losses of loved ones.

 My Dearest Bess

Every animal is special to me and I love all of my pets dearly, but Bess is truly my heart and soul. She's my once-in-a-lifetime heartdog.

I found Bess in our garage early one morning in 1987. She was a tiny young pup left to fend for herself in a dangerous world. It's nothing short of a miracle that she somehow made her way into our garage.

I lived at home with my parents at the time and our house was more than a mile down a dirt road with only two neighbors within a half mile. Furthermore, our home was far from the road down a long, secluded driveway. We had two very large dogs which certainly would have alerted us to anyone bringing the young Bess onto our property.

Bess was not an adventurous youngster by nature and her short legs tired easily. (I discovered this shortly after finding her...in the middle of a walk, she'd simply lay down and I'd end up carrying her home). It was unlikely she could have walked the distance necessary to place her in our garage that morning.

Her arrival remains a mystery...with only one possible explanation: a tiny wriggling miracle placed in our garage as a most special gift from God.

From the moment I found Bess, she was special. Everything about her seemed surreal. In attempting to convince my parents to keep her, I remarked that she already knew her name. (Only I hadn't thought of a name for her yet.) When my Mom challenged me to call her, the name Bess came out and she happily toddled over.

The tiny pup (estimated to be only 5-6 weeks old by her veterinarian) was completely housetrained from the day I found her and was never an ounce of trouble. She never chewed anything in the house (aside from her toys). She wasn't loud or disruptive and she seemed to instinctively know exactly how to act.

Still, my parents weren't convinced. I spent my first summer with Bess at my Grandmother's home (my Grandmother was an avid animal lover who welcomed Bess with an open heart).

By the end of the summer, everyone had come to love Bess dearly and there was no doubt she had found her forever home.

Upon returning home, Bess and I were still inseparable. She was there for me through tough times that were soon to come. Looking back, I realize those were some of the darkest days of my life and Bess was my constant light. She brought me such comfort...I honestly don't know if I could have made it through those times without her. And Bess was with me when I moved away from home, always my best friend and closest confidant.

I've never met a more kind and unconditionally loving soul as Bess. She loved everything. The orphaned baby rabbits I once raised were always safe under her loving watch. Kittens, baby birds, it didn't matter...she never attempted to harm anything. In fact, she became so enamored with rabbits that I adopted a houserabbit as her own pet. She promptly named her "Woof!" and they shared many wonderful times together. Bess and Woof would run around the yard chasing one another with glee. Bess once ran up to Woof in the yard and "goosed" her with her nose. Woof jumped at least three feet straight into the air and set off on another game of chase. When they had enough, we'd come back into the house, where the two friends would cuddle up together for a nap.

Later in her life, after Woof had passed, Bess became a close friend of my feral cat Simon. They would often be seen licking one another's faces and ears or snuggling together as she used to do with Woof.

Bess was blessed with good health for 10 wonderful years before disaster struck in the form of cancer. I remember receiving the news as though it was yesterday. I had taken her to the vet after discovering a small bump on her shoulder. I wasn't overly concerned because Bess had acquired many lumps and bumps as she aged. I had them checked and they had always been benign lipomas. However, her vet was concerned this lump was different. When the results of her bloodwork came back with severely elevated liver enzymes, her vet felt certain she had cancer and it had metastasized to her liver. She gave Bess only 2 months to live. I was devastated. Desperate to give her every possible chance, we elected to remove the tumor and have it biopsied to determine exactly what we were dealing with.

Surgery was scheduled as soon as possible and I took Bess home to wait...and to pray. I prayed incessantly. I read to Bess from the Bible. I told her stories of Jesus. I took a leave from work to spend every minute with her. And the day arrived. Our vet was wonderful to allow me to hold Bess in my arms until she was completely anesthetized and then whisked her off to surgery. Following surgery, she allowed me to sit with her while she woke up. We waited on pins and needles for the biopsy results...which were miraculously favorable: the tumor was a hemangiopericytoma. This type of tumor has a very low rate of metastases, but it is likely to reoccur. We never did find out why Bess had elevated liver enzymes, but it wasn't due to cancer.

I researched everything I could find on the cancer and ways to prevent it's recurrence. I started Bess on a strict home cooked diet that included only natural foods with every anti-cancer additive I had ever seen mentioned. I made her fresh vegetable juice from a home juicer twice a day (predominantly carrot, with occasionally beets, celery, and spinach added). Other additives were Shark Cartilage; Red Clover; Vitamins A, C, and E; Garlic; The Missing Link; Cell Forte; and most likely others that I've forgotten. And due to her elevated liver enzymes, I also started her on Milk Thistle, an outstanding herb that aids the liver.

I was delighted as time passed and she seemed to be in the prime of health. It was almost two years to the day that I discovered the second tumor. Again, I was devastated. Again, my precious baby faced surgery. This time I quit my job to stay home with her permanently. The surgery was a success and again, the tumor was a hemangiopericytoma.

I felt my "prevention" tactics weren't working and questioned whether they were worthwhile. While I continued to cook her a home made diet, I eliminated many of the supplements that she wasn't particularly fond of eating. Disaster struck again only 5 months later: a third tumor in the exact location of the first two.

Following her third surgery, I researched cancer prevention with a new vengeance. I felt that I had contributed to her third tumor coming on so quickly because I had cut back on the additives to her diet. I read and reread every book I could find and arranged a consultation with a holistic veterinarian author from one book I particularly liked. We started Bess on a new, more intense regimen of supplements. In addition to everything she had been receiving following her first surgery, we added IP6; Selenium; Shitake, Maitake, and Reishe mushrooms; MSM: and Zinc (and likely some others that I've forgotten).

Bess and I enjoyed almost 2 more years of good health before she faced another battle: Bess had a stroke in April 2002. This was followed by (or intertwined with) vestibular disease, which left her unable to walk for nearly 2 months. She seemed to be recovering slowly when we received the final blow: a fourth tumor. By this time, Bess was 15 years old and had multiple medical conditions that could not be overcome. This last battle was not to be won on this Earth. Rather, she returned to the most loving God who chose to bless my life with this special soul for 15 glorious years.

Losing Bess was nearly insurmountable, but God helped me through this time in many ways. There was one particular event that was the turning point for me and I'd like to share the story in hopes that it may help others deal with the loss of a loved one.

During my final days with Bess, I prayed with her. I prayed not so much for a cure, as I knew she was beyond any cure that could be offered in this life. But I prayed for strength and comfort. And most importantly, I frantically prayed Bess would be with our Lord where she would be happy and well until the day we were reunited for an eternity of happiness together.

Before I go any further, I should say that while I've always believed in God and in the power of prayer, I've never studied the Bible, so I'm not familiar with many of the versus. One day in the midst of praying, I had a feeling that I would have my answer; I just had to have faith. It was almost like God saying, "You will have what you need. Just relax." It's strange because in the midst of the incredible turmoil and overwhelming sadness and worry I was experiencing, I instantly felt more at peace. I did relax and stopped frantically searching for "the answer." I was able to take a nap and get some rest. Upon waking up, I was drawn to my tear-soaked Bible and randomly opened to a page. This was the verse I found:

"For we know that even the things of nature, like animals and plants suffer in sickness and death as they await this great event....We, too, wait anxiously for that day when God will give us our full rights as his children, including the new bodies he has promised us - bodies that will never be sick again and will never die." (Romans 8 Verses 22-23 from The Living Bible translation)

In all of my previous searching the Bible for affirmation that animals would be with us in Heaven, I had never found this particular verse. Although I always "knew" in my heart that God would not have created such wonderful beings only to destroy them, it was incredibly comforting to read it in Scripture. I read the verse to Bess repeatedly.

And pointedly enough, the verse was followed by:
"We are saved by trusting. And trusting means looking forward to getting something we don't yet have..." (Romans 8 Verse 24)

I've since returned to this page in my Bible many, many times...each time with loving thoughts of my dearest Bess. And each time, I remember how the Lord comforted me during my time of need. He truly is a kind and loving God. And while I miss Bess every day, I  feel joy in knowing she is safe and well in His care.

Several months after losing Bess, when I was still trying to adjust, I met many exceedingly kind individuals who offered me support. It was through one of these communications that I came to realize just how I felt about continuing on without Bess.

I was corresponding with a woman who had lost her horse more than 5 years earlier and was still wrought with grief over the loss. Sadly, her horse had suffered considerably prior to passing and the woman felt tremendous guilt over this (though it was through no fault of her own). She once tearfully told me that she would literally give her right arm if it would bring her horse back, because, she reasoned, she could adjust to life without an arm if she only had her beloved mare. This woman's grief mirrored my own at the time and I truly felt for her. In trying to offer her comfort, I came to realize my true feelings.

I pointed out that her horse was now in a better place, where she could no longer suffer. And I realized Bess is in that better place also.

Her mare is healthy again...when no one on Earth could have helped her. And Bess is healthy again.

And finally, I asked if she would really deny her horse that world of perfect health and happiness to return to this world that permits pain and suffering. Her answer was "No." And my answer is an emphatic "No."

I miss Bess dearly, but I want what is best for Bess...not what would selfishly make me happy. Bess is now in a perfect place, where there is no sadness or pain. She fulfilled her life on earth and "paid her dues" so to speak. She is now entitled to eternity in paradise. I wouldn't want to bring her back to this world where there is suffering and pain. She's with the only One who loves her as much as I do and He can give her the perfect I care I was unable to provide. He has made her well. And He is looking over Bess until that joyous day when we'll be reunited.

And He is looking over all of our lost loved ones until the wonderful day that marks the beginning of our eternal happiness!
 

My most precious darling Bess...forever in my heart.